by Amanda E. Savieri
My childhood was a rough one. My mother had me when she was very young. She blamed me for my own existence every day of my life. She screamed at me even when I was very small, saying I had ruined her life and her marriage. She called me names and told me I would never amount to anything. I got used to it and believed the things she told me, not knowing the effect it would have on me later on.
After her second marriage failed, my mother gave up on me completely. She took me down to Social Security and told them if they did not remove me from her care she would kill me. She admitted she had no feelings for me at all and was not capable of being a mother. I was put up for adoption at 8 years old.
I kept seeing my mother as I drifted from foster home to foster home. I was nearly adopted twice, but the adoption fell through both times. Mother moved on and took on new kids belonging to her current boyfriends, but she still didn’t love me. I blamed myself, thinking I was the problem.
At 18, I completed high school and moved out on my own. I met the man of my dreams but couldn’t accept his love. He was the only person who cared about me but I didn’t know how to react because I didn’t know how to be loved.
Many bad decisions and much relationship trouble later, I was discussing work problems with my fiancee’s parents. His dad recommended I see someone for an aptitude test. Though I didn’t know then, he phoned six psychologists, and Noni was the most helpful and genuine.
I was nervous at first because the counselors I’d seen before through Social Security hadn’t been at all helpful, but Noni soon put me at ease.
Noni showed me that work wasn’t the issue, instead it was unpleasant details from my past that I had to deal with in order to move on. She showed me it wasn’t my fault, that my childhood wasn’t normal, that I no longer had to carry this blame. Over time, my low self-esteem faded and my relationships improved — I began to learn how to love and be loved. Noni didn’t judge me, she supported me, and showed me how special I am for coming through it all.
Thanks to Noni, I now have a wonderful relationship, I got the strength to remove my mother from my life for good, and best of all, I start university this year. I will use the horrible things in my background for something good. I will be a psychologist specializing in childhood trauma; I want to help others as I really know what it’s like.
It is amazing what you can do if just one person believes in you. Noni believed in me… and now I believe in me.